It’s very sad to see so many fine men of God disqualify themselves for ministry because of moral failure. In addition, there are some whose doctrinal beliefs have turned from what is Biblical and their ministry is compromised as well. We must avoid those errors if we are to faithfully serve the Lord. But I think there is a greater danger, one which impacts far more pastors than moral or doctrinal failure. It is the danger of neglecting our wife or children. Paul describes it in 1 Timothy 3:4-5 when giving the qualifications for a pastor: “He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” That is serious and sobering. Investing in your household is a worthy pursuit, not just for the sake of your family but for the sake of your entire church. If your household is well, the church will have a strong foundation to flourish. If not, it won’t.
The key word is “well.” “He must manage his own household well.” By “well,” Paul does not mean sinless perfection. This qualification is not about achieving heaven in the home. Parents have sin natures, so do children. “Well” does not mean that sin is never present. It means that the man is leading the family to have victory over their sin and to mature in Jesus. We recognize a healthy, growing family when we see one. We also recognize an “unwell” family by how they act and treat each other. God expects us to love each other and show it by how we treat each other. We are to forgive before being asked, serve each other when we see a need, patiently listen to each other, respect each other and be kind to each other. This starts with a man treating his wife and children the same way Jesus treats him. Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” We are to set an example of Jesus in our family by being to them as Jesus is to us.
In a healthy family, the husband puts his wife and her needs before his own, serving her as Jesus serves him. He is the first to show love, forgiveness and leadership. He initiates the same as Jesus initiates in His relationship with mankind. The wife then is to respond in love by trusting and respecting her husband, just as Christians are to respond to Jesus’ sacrificial love by trusting and obeying Him. Jesus gave up everything to put His wife first. That is our example (Ephesians 5:25-30).
In a healthy family, the parents expect respect and obedience from their children. They teach them this from a young age and don’t resort to anger and violence to get them to submit out of fear. Nor do they allow them to live or act in ways that are ungodly or unbiblical. Starting with the father, love for God and his word is taught by words and example. Resources are shared. Everyone treats each other with kindness. This is essential to have a loving, growing family where people grow and mature to become more Christlike.
Paul then gives another reason this is so important. 1 Timothy 3:5 says: ”If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” The church is the household of God, the institution that God has established on this side of eternity in which we live out the values of the kingdom. A man who cannot lead his own family in a godly way, following the example of Jesus, will not lead a church in that way either. God entrusts us with little, then when we are faithful He entrusts us with more. Jesus Himself said, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” (Luke 16:10). That ‘little’ starts with our family before we can be faithful with the ‘more’ of the whole church body.
It is very important for pastors and church leaders to stay morally pure and theologically accurate, but don’t neglect this important qualification. Satan has led more people to disqualification through their neglect of their wives and children than he has through the others combined. They may stay in the position of pastor, speak from the pulpit and be paid by the church, but when God’s blessing and power are withdrawn they just go through the motions. If your ministry lacks God’s power and blessing (I’m not talking about the size of your church but the spiritual health of the people who attend), make sure there is no sin in your life, including sin to your wife and children by not being the husband and father God wants you to be. What does it matter if a pastor saves the whole community but loses his own family?
Matthew 25:23 ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
Does your family get your best or your leftovers?
Do those who know you well see your marriage and family as godly and healthy?
Is your household in good order, full of children who are taught the content of the faith and obedience to it?
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
Jerry@ChristianTrainingOrganization.org
(India Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)
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