DO YOU PRAY WITH YOUR MATE?
Marriage isn’t easy. There are many difficulties that need to be faced and worked through. Some are easy but others are hard. One of the hardest, in my experience as pastor and counselor, is praying together. Being physically naked before your mate may be difficult for some people. Being emotionally naked is often more difficult. But being spiritually naked, letting them into the heart of our relationship with God, can be the hardest of all. Every time I do marriage counseling I encourage couples to pray together regularly, with the husband initiating and taking the lead.
Why is it so hard to do with the person we are closest to on the whole earth? Sometimes we let busy schedules interfere. There may be unforgiveness, hidden hurt or bitterness that make it impossible to be open with our mate. Other times it is pride – what will our mate think about how I pray, and (for men) what if I don’t pray as well as the pastor or my wife? There can be real barriers to praying together, but the best way to overcome them is to face them by praying together. If not, they won’t fade with time; they’ll just grow stronger. There are many benefits from praying together, and no one knows that better than Satan so you can be sure he’ll have his hand in whatever is keeping you from praying together. Think of the benefits.
Praying together breaks down barriers. There is something very humbling for a man to pour out his heart to God before his wife. But it can also be the key to opening a deeper emotional and physical relationship as well. It is my experience that most wives deeply desire their husband to pray with them. It may seem hard to pray together after a disagreement or a fight, but there’s no more important time to humble yourselves and together ask for God’s direction and healing power in your lives. It is up to the man to initiate prayer, in good times and bad, and to pray first. The woman, who is often better putting things into words and the more relational of the two, should also pray. Men enjoy hearing their wives pray as much as wives enjoy hearing their husbands.
Praying together sets godly priorities. Praying for special situations and needs as they arise is important, but setting aside a time each morning or evening (or both if at all possible) is important. Include reading a few Bible verses and talking about them and you have yourself a time of devotions. I think most Christians feel guilty about their lack of daily time with God, and while it is important to have private, personal time, time as a couple can be just as good. There is accountability and encouragement when you pray and read together. Don’t forget to include praise and worship in your time. Thank God for things that have happened or play a favorite song on your phone as you direct your thoughts to God in worship.
Praying together brings results. Praying together brings unity and helps us know each other better. Closer intimacy in all areas of life develop. Trust and friendship grow. But praying together also helps us focus our prayers and see God’s power in response to our requests. Matthew 18:20 promises, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
WOMEN: If your husband doesn’t pray with you try inviting him to do so. Suggest a time that is good for both of you. After a meal when comfortably seated and relaxed is often a good time (make sure your time isn’t scheduled so tightly you don’t have time to pray together!). You can do all the praying until he is comfortable, letting him just listen. It may be awkward or difficult at first, but persevere.
If he won’t do that, pray that God would change his heart. If you are a woman, married or single, praying alone, think of Jesus as your Partner on His knees beside you listening to you and praying with you. That really does happen when you pray (Romans 8:34; 1 John 2:1; Hebrews 7:25).
MEN: If your wife won’t pray with you, or if you don’t have a wife, what I wrote above to women applies to you as well. Remember that pride is our biggest enemy, and it often manifests as fear of what our wife will think of us. No man wants to feel foolish in front of their wife. But any man who attempts to pray with his wife, no matter how poorly he feels he is doing, is filling one of his more important duties as a man and husband. You wife will love you for trying, even if you stumble. Just attempting will earn major points with her. Each time you do it the easier it will get. Just do your best, that’s all God expects. Don’t be a coward or a wimp and not even try! (March 18, 2024 Doylestown, PA)
1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Ephesians 6:18 Praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,
Do you pray with your mate? If not, please start today!
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
Jerry@ChristianTrainingOrganization.org
(India Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)
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