GOD EXPECTS PASTORS TO SERVE THEIR FAMILIES FIRST
(This blog is a word-for-word transcript of the first session in all my pastors’ conferences in India .In the first two blogs we saw God expects pastors to use their own gifts, to feed themselves and their people, to train others to minister and to serve their people. This is blog 4 in this series.)
When we serve our sheep there is one sheep God expects us to serve before all the others. One sheep is more important than all the others. Who is that? Who is our number one sheep? Your wife! Your wife is your most important sheep! God expects us to serve our family before our church. Your wife is your number one sheep. 1 Timothy 3:4-5 Says a Pastor must manage his own family well. If he doesn’t he won’t be able to take care of God’s church. God says being a good husband is more important than being a good pastor. In fact, He says that if we can’t be a good husband we shouldn’t even be a pastor! 1 Peter 3:7 says that if we aren’t treating our wives as we should our prayers will be hindered. So, if you aren’t a good husband you can’t be a good pastor and your prayers will be sowed down or delayed.
It’s easy to have our people be impressed with you – you are the pastor and everyone thinks you are wonderful! But it’s much harder for us at home. Your wife knows how you act at home! It can be hard to treat your wife and family as Jesus wants you to treat them. But that’s how He makes you grow to be more like Jesus. If you can act like Jesus to your wife and children you will be able to be like Him as you lead your church as well. You are the only pastor your wife will ever have. She will be with you after other people come and go. God expects pastors to serve their wife as their number one sheep.
MARRIAGE is a picture of God and the church. It shows the world what God’s relationship with us is like. God expects HUSBANDS to SACRIFICIALLY LOVE OUR WIVES. Ephesians 5:25-33 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” God says husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved us. That’s our example, the way Jesus loves us. He loves us unconditionally, no matter what.
Some men say “If my wife was a better wife I’d be a better husband.” “When she changes some things then I’ll love her.” Is that what Jesus says to you? “When you are a better Christian & change some things, I’ll love you?” He loves us unconditionally, no matter what. He commands us to love our wives the same way. He wants us to realize how special and important our wives are to us.
Adam walked and talked with God before sin entered the world. But there was still something missing in his life. So, what did God provide? Did He provide a church to pastor? Parents to take care of? Children to raise? No, he provided a wife because a man needs a wife. God wants you to love your wife as He loves you.
That means we must sacrifice as Jesus sacrificed for us. What did Jesus sacrifice for you? He left heaven to come to earth. On earth He went through pain and rejection. He was crucified and suffered what we would have suffered in hell to pay for our sins. Did He do that for Himself? No, He did it for us. He sacrificed everything just for us. That’s how He wants us to sacrifice for our wife. How does it make you feel that He loves you that much?
Does your wife know that you love her that much? Can your wife say, “I see Jesus’ love for me in the way my husband loves me”? That’s the way we are to love our wives. Even more important than being a pastor is to love our wife. Make sure she knows she is as important to you as you are to Jesus. That sets an example to the world of how Jesus loves us. It sets and example to the people in your church and the children in your family. We are to sacrificially serve our wives like Jesus serves us.
There is a cost to sacrificially serve. You have to sacrifice your time to help her when she needs help. You talk to her about the things that are happening in her life. You listen carefully when she talks to you. You help her when she is discouraged. You spend time going places and doing things she enjoys. You protect her from people who criticize her or take advantage of her. You make sure your children obey and are respectful to her. You make sure that her needs are met before your own needs. You do the things for her that Jesus does for you. Jesus made sure our needs were met before His own. God says our wife is our first responsibility, even before our church.
Men must earn you wife’s trust and respect by your actions. Men must never yell at your wife or hit her. Jesus never treats you that way and we must be like Him. A woman needs to be able to trust her husband.
Now let’s talk about what God expects from WIVES. A wife must have a submissive trust from her heart. Read Ephesians 5:22-24 “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” A husband is to treat his wife like Jesus treats a Christian. A wife is then to submit to her husband like a Christian submits to Jesus. We do it out of love for Him, not out of fear. A wife needs to submit to her husband the same way. When a wife follows and trust her husband it is really Jesus she is trusting. She is obeying Jesus’ commands and submitting to His will. Jesus will be with her no matter what happens. So, when she responds to her husband from her heart she is really submitting to Jesus and trusting Him.
If our wife is our number one sheep, who is 2 and 3? Our CHILDREN! We have more of an opportunity to train our children or grandchildren than anyone in our church. Yet many times pastors’ children don’t follow the Lord when they grow up. If you ask them why they may tell you that their father was so busy serving God and the church he didn’t have any time for them. They don’t want anything to do with God or the church that would take their father from them. Others will tell you that their father was nice to everyone in the church, but when he came home he was angry and impatient with his family. They will say that if that is what it means to be a Christian, they don’t want to be one. God will never say “well done” if we aren’t a good husband and father, no matter how great our church is.
These are the 4 things God expects pastors to do. 1. God expects us to use the gifts He gives in your life and ministry. 2. God expects us to feed ourselves and His people. 3. God expects us to train others to minister, not do everything our self. 4. God expect us to serve our sheep, especially our wives and children. Look at these and see where God is telling you to change. These are what God expects of pastors. If we do these He will say “Well done, good and faithful servant.” We will grow spiritually, even though it isn’t always easy. God is changing us to be like Jesus.
1 Timothy 3:4–5 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)
Would God say you are doing a good job of serving your wife and children, or would He say you neglect them for the ministry?
What can you do starting right now to be a better husband and father?
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
Jerry@ChristianTrainingOrganization.org
(India Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling)
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